::: I’m Still Princess Dominique | Tilted Tiara and All | Version 2009 :::

Define Happiness

Posted on: January 22, 2009

peculiar

Sometimes I find myself in very contemplative moods. At times like those I put aside my favorite music and lay still trying think about what’s going on with me and right now I’ve been stuck on happiness and being happy. We all say we want it but can we even define it for ourselves? Am I happy? What is happiness? Is happiness having friends? I don’t remember if when I was young I had an imaginary friend or not. I know that I have had friends in real life who are sometimes imaginary because you wonder if they really exist. They’re never there for you and only call you when “they” are having a crisis and you normally can’t find them when you’re in need of an ear, money, a favor ecetera. I’ve had friends that I rarely heard from when they met a cute guy in a club, started getting sexed on a daily and began little by little moving their stuff into his place, but the phone rang off the hook after midnight once they started discovering his flaws ie. text messages from other girls/women on his cell, unexplained absences from work, earrings in the back seat of his car that weren’t hers and the likes, and that’s just too fair weather for me to even want to be bothered.

Needless to say those are friends I no longer have. I wonder too, is happiness being in love or being loved by someone else? Not sure about that because I’ve been in love before and after your heart gets broken into microscopic pieces, there’s nothing too happy about that. I’ve also met people who have claimed to love me that turned out to be certifiable nuts. Fact is that we are all different and we are made up of so many different things that its hard to say who or what kind of person will be attracted to the different things about us, and when entering into a relationship, like Forest Gump said, “you never know what you’re gonna get.” My history, I’ve gotten nuts. I’ve gotten men who were obsessed with taming, owning, domesticating, manipulating, controlling me or straight up just didn’t support me or want to see me succeed or maybe they were just trying to get another notch on their proverbial belt. I had to revamp myself to keep the nuts at bay. It took years to get that nut residue off of me. Now I’m more in tune with me and what I want or will tolerate and my flashing red “princess signal” (similar to the Bat signal) goes off whenever there’s a crazy approaching.

Being, however, I’ve found is easier for me though, it works for me, being comfortable with who you are and what you’re doing and how you’re moving around in life–that’s what I mean. I found that “me” is all that I have control over so that’s the best place to start for anyone trying to make-over themselves and their life. You can’t change other people. Willing them to change with mental telepathy doesn’t work, rewarding them with sex, dinners and other goodies doesn’t jive either if they aren’t innately ready to change. But you can restructure your life so that you surround yourself only with things that bring you joy and make you happy, and things that you can’t necessarily control, like the girl with the cubicle next to yours who cracks gum all day long–even while on the phone, or the rude woman who cuts you off in traffic and lets go of the wheel to give you both fingers, or the waitress that brings you a dirty water glass and doesn’t care because she’s not drinking it, you just decide to make a conscious choice on how you let it affect you.

Fact is, I’ve had to cut friends out of my life, lovers too, which is unfortunate, but again, necessary because I’ve realized that my well being is more important to me than worrying about how badly they’ll talk about me afterwards. “Being” is what truly is happiness to me because its a choice that no one else can make it for me. Being honest, being giving, being friendly, being forgiving, being true to my beliefs, being a nurturer, being able to laugh out loud without fearing disapproval, being truly content with finding something I absolutely adore on sale, being able to pay full price for something just because I want it, being able to cry when I’m happy, being able to remove myself from an uncomfortable situation without feeling bad about it, being able to travel at will, being able to wish and dream, being able to write the stories in my heart without worrying if every reader will “get” it, being able to trust people until they give me a reason not to, being able to not beat myself up when those same people I trusted prove to be untrustworthy, being a great listener, being pleased with my shortlist of close personal friends and the fun things we have and will do together. Happiness for me is “being” and my ways of being I’m pleased to say, are all choices that “I” have made and will continue to make because that’s how I define happiness–it works for me and I’m sure it will continue to. They say that you learn something new everyday and by far, how to be happy for “me” is the best thing I’ve learned on this planet yet.

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9 Responses to "Define Happiness"

“They say that you learn something new everyday and by far, how to be happy for “me” is the best thing I’ve learned on this planet yet.”

It took me 30 years to learn that lesson, but my life hasn’t been the same since I did. I hope everyone has learned how to be happy for themselves because you can’t expect anyone else to do anything that you can’t do yourself.

You are so right it’s something we all need to learn. I think that we are more affected by tv and magazines than we think. It’s only when you shut all of that stuff out and focus on you and what your needs are that you can even see clearly. Happy is a good place to be, but sometimes I feel pretty peculiar because so many people I run across are so far from happy that it’s not funny.

Great blog! I definitely agree and have learned firsthand that happiness is a choice. Sometimes it seems there are spirits at work in certain people to try to fight your happiness every chance they get. Unfortunately, those people have to get the axe. There is too much for me to be happy and thankful for. I can’t allow people access to my personal life if they aren’t interested in adding to or at least not disrupting my personal happiness. 🙂

Rachel you said a mouthful. That’s why my circle has whittled down to almost none, but I have been praying for people to enter the circle and I thank Him for the people I’m meeting. I’ve never been one to need a gang of people surrounding me. I’d rather have a faithful few that like you said are interested in adding to my happiness otherwise what’s the point.

wow…this post really moved me and really made me reflect on the definition of happiness in my life. thank you 🙂

Glad to do it Eve. Every now and again I come up with more than just shoes and Hello Kitty 🙂

I needed to read this

Great post! It seems I have yet another online page to subscribe to….

It was cleansing to write Miss Style. I’m sure I’ll have to remind myself so I’m thankful for the archives.

Michelle thanks. I’m just positive that my words will do somebody some good.

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I'm Linda "Princess Dominique" Grosvenor and I'm is a published author and have been writing online for over 15 years. I'm a former student of the Fashion Institute of Technology. I've been called a savvy cocktail of fashion and relationship advice and I've written for and contributed to articles for publications such as Honey, Modern Bride and MORE Magazine. This website will have more of a relationship slant and will be updated rather infrequently. With that said, enjoy!

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