On Being Daddy’s Girl
Posted on: February 16, 2009
I wrote this back in 2005:
I’ve always wanted to be a daddy’s girl, you know the untouchable kind dressed in ruffles whose daddy dotes on them, gives them whatever their heart even has an inkling to ask for, parades them around, showing them off and making them feel like royalty? In my case, it just never quite worked out that way. I watch and overhear women talk about how important their father has been in their lives and although I don’t find myself envying that, there is still a nagging void that I can’t help but notice because I didn’t have that. There is a desire deep within me (if I’m willing to be honest) to have had someone protecting me from the wolves out there who would one day come to prey on his daughter’s innocence.
I’ve always watched movies and television shows and smiled at the way the fathers gave the poor helpless soul who was smitten with his daughter the third degree when he came to the house to pick her up for a date or the prom. I never went to my prom but it makes me wonder to myself how many of the men I dated would have treated me differently if they thought that there was someone big and burly behind the door or sitting on the sofa that they’d have to answer to if they did something wrong—or hurt me. Unfortunately I was never given the opportunity to experience that, and while my father himself may have been a wolf, they say that you seek a man who is just like your father and to my credit, yes, I have had many.
So, having never known my father or seen him, what I was seeking must have been innate because the bad boys that meant me no good from the word “hello” is all that I craved as a teen and through my young adult life; the more dangerous the relationship or situation, the more volatile or challenging, the more I pursued it and drew myself towards its flame. Sadly, such is life, I’ve had to learn many lessons like this the hard way. With age comes wisdom though, or at least it should. So, that’s where I am right now, older and wise enough to know that you can’t really miss a daddy you never had, but you can definitely make certain that history doesn’t repeat itself.
8 Responses to "On Being Daddy’s Girl"
February 16, 2009 at 12:07 pm
I know what you mean. I met my biological father when I was 19 and never had any contact with him after that. I was close to my step father but not in the daddy’s girl kinda way. I don’t know … I just always felt that something was missing.
February 16, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Others should take heed to your words. Men also need to realize how important they are to the development of a child’s life, no matter if its a son or a daughter.
February 16, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Peggy I never thought about the point you made. It’s a great point and I’m still pondering it.
Chele I can understand what you’re saying. To me I don’t get how people can create children and then just vanish. Some people are stronger than others but a child shouldn’t have to start off life feeling a void.
Shelia you’re right. Men need to get it. It’s not about the woman. I know men who have relationships with their daughters. It doesn’t mean you have to date and marry the mother, but at least be there.
February 17, 2009 at 5:19 pm
amen! hope the learning process wasnt too tough though.
same thing goes with guys though. I know I always assumed the best about women because of my great mom and then learnt that some dont have your best interests at heart or are just way too scheming. oh well live and learn.
February 18, 2009 at 3:57 pm
You’re right, we do live and learn and I’m glad that I learned that lesson instead of making it a constant issue in my life.
February 23, 2009 at 9:54 am
Thanks Shannon. It was something I had been meditation on for a while. I’m just happy someone could relate.
February 16, 2009 at 9:03 am
This was so poignant and well written. It is a mind opener for those of us who did have a doting father as to how fortunate we were even though he did, perhaps, sit on the porch with his shot gun by his side and run off that heart throb we thought we couldn’t live without.
There is a flip side to that also though. For some of us we came into the world from that nest and assumed that all men we encountered were going to be as loving, as protective, and as trust worthy. We were devastated and unprepared when we made a choice that was anything but — we too fell prey to vultures and became members of the walking wounded.
Thanks for this beautiful article!